"I'm late for work!" he said.

"What do you do that's so important?" asks the cop.

"I'm a rectum stretcher!"

"What the fuck does a rectum stretcher do?!" the cop enquires.

"Well, I first stick one finger up a rectum, then two, then three, until I can get both my hands in and I stretch until it's about six feet wide!"

"What, says the cop, "Do they do with a six feet asshole?"

The guy replies "Normally they give them speed guns and tell them to hide behind the trees!"

Thanks to Greg for the great joke.