He found a tree with a knot-hole at the right height and circumference and thought, "I could fuck that! Better than nothing!" Wrong, he got bitten right on the end of his knob by the resident of the hole - a squirrel.

He was in pain for ages and decided he check out the next hole he found before fucking it.

After a few more weeks wandering he found a beautiful native girl sun bathing on top of a grassy knoll. He explained his predicament and told her how long he had been without female company and she said she lived alone in the forest and she could do with a man herself and he could fuck her if he wanted to.

She lay back and spread her legs invitingly. The chap couldn't believe his luck. "Are you sure?" he asked. "Yes, go for it!" she said.

So he took a step, back, and gave her a thumping great kick right between the legs.

"What the fuck was that for?!" she exclaimed.

"Oh, the man said,"I'm just checking for squirrels."

Thanks to Greg for the great joke.