Q: What is the difference between your wife and your job?
A: After 5 years your job still sucks!
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Q: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
A: Nothing, you already told her twice.
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Q: What the first thing a batter woman does when she gets home?
A: The dishes if she knows what's good for her.
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Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
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Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
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Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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Q: How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
A: When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
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Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't. There's a clock on the oven!
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Q: Why do men pass gas more than women?
A: Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
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Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in.
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